30 Hidden Struggles Men Face Insights They Rarely Share

I don’t think women are inherently attracted to jerks, but I do think many women enjoy feeling needed. And who tends to be the neediest? Often, it’s those who aren’t the best at treating others with respect—jerks, in other words.

I grew up watching my mother try to “fix” my father instead of leaving him for the way he treated her. It always bothered me, so I’ve made it a point to be self-sufficient and helpful in my own life. As I worked in a public-facing job in my early 20s, I’d hear similar stories from older, divorced women. Now, at 33, I’ve experienced that same dynamic firsthand. I’ve been passed over many times, only to have women reach out years later, expressing regret, saying they made a mistake, that they always loved me, etc.

But I’m not interested in being someone’s second choice. Life isn’t a romantic drama where you’re left waiting for a grand gesture or reconciliation. We have to actively create the changes we want in our own lives. I’m proud of the progress I’ve made in recent years, and I’m looking for a woman who values my self-sufficiency and doesn’t view me as her “Plan B.”